VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
