R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
