yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
