For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
