i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
