she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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