Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
