Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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