Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
