i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
