you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
