jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
