yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
