He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
