when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I still have a little drunk in my system
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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