mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
