everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
