Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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