only you would photoshop your dick
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
