Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
