I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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