I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
