david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize