I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
