Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You made out with two different species that night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize