Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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