She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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