You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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