I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
