she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm both gender and math confused
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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