I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
