But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
