he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
