the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
