Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
