fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize