Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
