i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
