idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
