3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
