Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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