Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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