You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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