Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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