Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
