I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
