Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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