I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
