My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
