It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
