last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
