My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize