You smell like stripper and shame
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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