I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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