Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
