we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
