the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
3 2 1 whiskey
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize