girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
