Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
