I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
