He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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