I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
