I need to stop coming to work sober
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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