at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
