i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
