What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize