Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
