I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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