i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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