I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize