So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
