I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
