Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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